I’ve been through a lot of ups and downs this last week, including an epic meltdown. Still recovering from being sick I was on the brink of complete exhaustion and I COULD NOT GET ENOUGH SLEEP. It seemed every time I finally got my eyes closed my ailing grandmother would need something. In a moment I am not proud of I laid on the floor and cried, begging to just go to sleep, trying to convince her that it had all become more than I can do given my current situation, hoping she would finally understand she needs around the clock care. Care that is beyond what I can provide her. A couple days after my shameful breakdown there was more drama, right as I was getting ready to head out to Point Reyes (more on that in a bit). My grandmother decided that she wanted to go to the hospital because she could no longer even get out of bed on her own. After a couple of days it was decided she would go live with her daughter until she could be placed in a care home. This is really what she has needed for a while, I just wish she had realized it sooner so things didn’t happen the way they did. So now, for the first time in while, I am on my own, looking for a new place and preparing to clean out the old. Yes, I am ready for a fresh start.

      In the midst of everything I decided to go ahead and proceed as planned on a three day trip to Point Reyes. It didn’t really solve or fix anything, but the experience helped a little. The first night my companions and I stayed at Coast Camp. It was a Saturday night so it was a bit crowded, mostly with tweens and hippies, but I was so tired I didn’t care. After I set up my tent I slept for a while then wandered around on the beach for a bit before eating dinner. Afterwards I relaxed by reading and listening to some old time radio shows. I passed out before 9 o’clock and slept for ten hours. I did stir a couple of times in the middle of the night and saw more stars than I have ever seen before in this area, even catching faint glimpses of the Milky Way.

     The next day another companion joined our merry band at Wildcat Camp. We hiked about twelve miles, which included a day hike to Alamere Falls. We ascended to the top of the falls and on the way back encountered an adult seal that appeared to be sick and lethargic. It seemed a little embarrassed to be caught in this situation, occasionally putting it’s flipper over it’s eyes as if saying, ‘don’t look at me!’. Further down the beach, on the way back to camp, we encountered a second seal. This one was a pup that appeared to have an injured rear fin. It was more ambulatory than the adult we saw though and went into the water for a moment before deciding to come back to the beach. Realizing there was nothing we  could do though, and that we must let nature take it’s course, we headed back to camp. Not too long after dinner I retreated to my tent and promptly fell asleep listening to the waves of the ocean crash on the beach below us.

That was amazing!

     The last day was 31°F outside when I awoke, just before sunrise. After the sun came over the ridge and lit up the camp though everyone warmed quickly. It was a relatively quick hike back to the trailhead and civilization. We stopped in Fairfax for a decent burger at that place with the old red F-100 outside. I enjoyed it as much as I could, knowing reality was just ahead on that road home. On the drive back I thought about how frail my grandmother looked the last time I had seen her. I thought as well on the reasons why people need the distractions we create for ourselves, so that if even for just a little while we can take a break from the constant struggle of life…

     Which brings me to this installment of entertainment recommendations. The Kingsman. It’s an over the top and self aware action movie based on a graphic novel.  There were twists that I did not see coming, and a brilliant and hilarious performance by Samuel L Jackson. It’s got some interesting commentary about people and technology as well.  Definitely worth a watch.

     This week I went into the wild to be inspired by nature and came back with another shameless selfie guaranteed to make everyone want to run away to their own special place away from social media!

Selfie #8

     Until next time readers, remember no one is perfect so

     Dear readers, since you last heard from me I've had a pretty damn rough week. It was tough. Not like I live in Ethiopia tough, but difficult none the less. The 10th was the 19th anniversary of my mother passing, and while time has made things a bit easier, I still feel the sting a bit. Things with my grandmother are getting worse and she will need to go someplace where she can be given around the clock care. I had to have a serious talk with her about that though and for the few days afterwards she got mean, then she finally apologized and proceeded to try to play the pity card. I think she is finally starting to understand though that I can't be the one to keep taking care of her, that I need to finally go and live my own life, unfettered. The last week has made me truly realized how much energy gets drained from me when I have to take care of her. You see, with everything else that has been going on I was also sick this last week. So sick that I didn't ride or run for three days, and even went home early from work, something that only happens once every few years. But I still had to take care of granny when I got home, no matter what else was happening. I really needed some sleep but couldn't get it because she needed things done. I was getting severely stressed out. I am still stressed a little, but quickly just letting go of everything. Hopefully my grandmother will too, because I won't dance the dance of 'family' bullshit anymore. It's time for everyone else to put their time where their mouth is. I'm feeling a lot better and I'm moving on.

     Enough ranting for this week. Here's a recommendation that's a mind bender: "All You Zombies" by Robert Heinlein. It's a short story that has nothing to do with zombies. Read it though and you'll probably want to read it again just to catch all the things you may have missed the first time around. It was recently adapted into a decent movie as well. The movie version is entitled "Predestination" and stars Ethan Hawke. Both are great, though the short story is better. Either way, after the experience, you'll probably think to yourself WTF!

     Speaking of things that will make you say WTF! I bring you this week's selfie. It's an artsy fartsy installment filled with pretentiousness and arrogance. This one is for the connoisseur of truly fine art, the art snob if you will.

Selfie #7

     Until next time my readers, remember life is for living and is filled with transitions...

     Just in time to hopefully help Northern California start to pull out of it's dry spell a decent multiday rain storm swept through the parched landscape, all the way from the Sierras to the Sacramento Valley. Roofs developed leaks, trees fell down, and I actually took two rest days in one week! Thanks to this latest round of precipitation I'm looking forward to getting to the mountains for some more snowshoeing and snowboarding. Granted, this most recent storm doesn't magically make the drought disappear, and it was unusually warm (temps in the mid 60s were not uncommon during the few days of the storm), but it helps.

California Love

     My small blog has reached 1000 views! It's taken a while and I am a little surprised that people have had that much interest in my meandering diatribes and random babblings. Actually, when I saw the counter had broken the four figure mark, I thought there was some mistake. I suppose it just goes to show that persistence and consistency can pay off.  Thank you so much to everyone who keeps tuning in to check out my asinine inanities! 

     Another entertainment recommendation for your consideration: Horns. This motion picture stars Daniel Radcliffe as the lead and I was pleasantly surprised. Let me say I didn't have high expectations of the movie going into it, so that may be why I ended up liking it so much. It's a murder mystery with a supernatural twist. It's set in Washington state, and Radcliffe shines as the protagonist. Be warned though, this movie is not for the sensitive. I found myself really wrapped up in the whodunnit aspect of the tale. Really worth a watch.

     Now for something probably not worth anyone's time at all: another selfie! This particular, very unflattering selfie was taken in a moment when I was bored and thought, 'what the heck, just go outside with the camera and see what you get'.

Selfie #6

     Until next time my diligent readers, remember:

     I recently started a new project: transcribing ALL of my journals into a digital format, There are a few reasons for this, not the least of which is my not always glamorous handwriting. The main reason though is to go back and re-read all my entries to see how much progress I feel I have have achieved since I began keeping journals over twenty years ago. At first I let a cloud of negativity hover over me when I began realizing how far back my struggle with debt goes, and how I am still living in the same apartment in the same situation I've been in for longer than I care to ponder. As I continued to read on, however, it dawned on me I have made a lot more headway than I first thought. You see, years ago, I dated this girl I was madly in love with, it was the longest continuous relationship I've ever had. She left me and at the time, for months, all my entries were about how much I missed her, how I must have done something wrong (admittedly no person in a relationship is perfect) , on and on, whining and wallowing in my own self pity. Looking back it's pretty pathetic, and maybe it's time that's made things better, but I sincerely believe if me now went back and met past me I would probably slap myself (that is if such an act wouldn't collapse the whole space-time continuum). I am a much stronger person now. Positive step one! Another positive step is that, while yes I am still in debt in the same place, I am actively working on improving my situation instead of just sitting around doing the same things to see what happens. Reading through all I've written is strengthening and renewing my resolve to keep going forward and push on to achieve what I really want.

     Speaking of renewing things... I recently replaced a lot of parts on my road bike. Wider handlebars, a better stem, cassette, chain, chain rings, brake pads, rear rack, new panniers. I plan on doing two or three bike tours this year and want things to be as trouble free as possible. I've been investing in better tires lately too. Quality puncture resistant tires, they cost more money, but so far they've been great and hardly any flats. Worth the extra money to me! With all these upgrades though there's still one more I really need to invest in...

You know you want one

     The entertainment recommendation this time around is a British show I've recently started watching entitled Black Mirror. It's a sci-fi anthology series with great plots and story twists in every episode I've seen so far. I really don't want to spoil anything, but I can tell you I think this is one of the best shows I have ever seen in the science fiction genre.

     Now for the real reason I know everyone reads this blog: SELFIE TIME! Just a random overhead shot, came out a bit more interesting than I thought it would.

Selfie #5

     Until next time, remember, everyone's got problems...