I have been contemplating my future and existence a lot this last week. The recent ‘super moon’ has my mind pondering the vastness and scale of the cosmos and my place in it. Staring up at the tidally locked satellite of the home we call Earth can be quite thought provoking. Roughly 250,000 miles from us, reflecting the light from the closest star to us, our sun, it is truly spectacular. Sure it doesn't have any liquid methane volcanoes but I like it.

I finally got a chance to visit one of my best friends who I usually only get to see once a year. He brought his family out from the mid-west to visit all his friends and family in California. It’s always good to see old friends but this particular visit brought up that ‘I’m single and want to date but I can’t seem to find anyone’ emotion. My male biological clock is ticking and I really am looking for a serious relationship. I’m not going to necessarily jump into the first romance that comes along, but I won’t close my mind to that possibility either, because love can arrive at any time in any place.

In the mean time I am quite enjoying my single life, I don’t have to worry if I’m embarrassing anyone but myself when I say some random crazy thing in public.

I also went kayaking with one of my other best friends at lake Natoma at dusk. It had been a while since I had been on this lake and it was my friend’s first time on this particular body of water and the weather was good. I practiced self rescue in my kayak and snorkeled a bit as well. It wasn't the rush of the whitewater I enjoy so much but I still had a great time reacquainting myself with flat water.

Something that has been on my mind recently are the emotions of anger and fear and the roles they play in all our lives and how they affect us. One we suppress too much and the other not enough. It seems like every time someone does something wrong to ourselves or someone else we are encouraged to shut our mouths and do nothing. There is a reason we get angry, to let us know when something needs to be done. For instance if you see someone being beaten in the streets, don’t push that anger back, embrace it and use it to find some courage to do something, like speak up or call for help, instead of standing idly by.  Do the right thing, not the convenient thing. I realize that anger does need to be tempered and getting mad at stupid things is detrimental not beneficial. That’s why it is up to each and every one of us to be an adult and discern the difference between responsible anger and temper tantrum anger.

Time to talk about that second emotion now, fear. We have been taught not to do one thing or another at some point in our lives because to do that thing might cause us harm. In a lot of cases this comes in handy, things like wading into a pit of toxic waste or jumping into a tank of hungry sharks at feeding time are not things you should really do. Too often though we are also taught to fear things that pose no real danger to us, like going into the woods alone or riding a bicycle on a road shared by cars. What really poses the danger is when you are afraid of doing what others say you shouldn't. Make your own decisions because that fear can cause you to panic and freeze. It will make you stay in your comfort zone and prevent you from doing something new for the fear of failing, which in itself is a failure. When fear does this it can be a self fulfilling prophecy. You will fail because you are afraid of failing. Be bold, try new things, and if you fail, you fail. You’ll get over it, deal with those dreaded things they call consequences and learn from the experience. It’s better to live bravely and stand tall than to be cowardly and crawl.

Until next time my brave readers, be bold, live life, try new things and remember,

Another week and another outing on the Bold Venture. The recent repairs held up but then the floor opened up in a different spot, so another trip through the Gorge with a deflated floor. Much like last time there was literally a boat load of water involved. As always everyone still had a great time even though we got wrapped on a rock we named Captain’s Folly. Just above Old Scary I saw the smallest fawn I have ever seen, barely two feet tall, still with it’s spots. We stopped for some fun at Gorilla rock where a dog tried to hitch a ride on our boat until someone told him he was on the wrong raft. Bouncing Rock was more intense than usual, we hit the rock, dropped into the hole, and just when we were about out, got sucked back in. A fun double whammy! After we got to the take out we unlaced the floor and removed it and it’s now under it’s second round of repairs. After a thorough cleaning and draining of water I applied LOTS of glue and another patch. With any luck it will be ready to go again soon.

I'm always looking forward to my next adventure because it feels so good to be outside, enjoying this amazing planet, witnessing everything it has to offer. The flowing rivers and the trails and roads I travel take me to some pretty amazing places. Even if it's not an epic multi-week trip at least I'm still getting out there.

However, this last week I have been losing a lot of the interest I've had for running. I've been struggling to find the motivation I once had, a running crisis of faith if you will. It feels more like I’m just going through the motions and not actually enjoying it, like a chore I have to do instead of that feeling I now miss of being a free wild creature. Much like my financial burden I just want it over with. I don’t think I will really stop running though, I suppose I will just keep at it, slow and steady just like paying off my debt.

Sometimes that’s all you should do, just keep going. Even if you see no reason to, if you think it’s too much time and effort, if the goal seems too distant, don’t stop. At least if you are moving, no matter how slow, you are still moving and getting closer to what you want.

Until next time my persistent readers,

It’s been a bit of a hectic week, my grandmother has been steadily recovering since her fall last week, I've still been able to cycle, run and even got in another rafting trip. This last one was a bit more interesting and challenging than most other ones. The floor of the raft blew out at the put in. We attempted some on the spot repairs but nothing seemed to work. Luckily I had a brave crew and they all decided to take the journey through the Gorge. The boat filled with an almost absurd amount of water at every rapid.

Fortunately, the added weight of the water guaranteed  that we were at no point in danger of flipping the boat. We handled the rapids a bit more gingerly than usual but, a few miles from the end, one of the seats gave out sending one of the crew on a bouncy ride for the rest of the trip. The boat was literally falling apart at the seams. I suppose it’s to be expected though, it’s the boats third season on the water with over thirty trips on it. As we paddled up to the take out I felt like Jack Sparrow.

As captain I declared everyone’s bravery and courage earned them Pirate status.

This experience reiterated some lessons we should all learn, such as just because things get tough doesn't mean you should give up. If there is a challenge, except it, and let it make you stronger. Try new things, you just might like them. Life is meant to be lived, so live it! Make the most of every moment you can. And perhaps the most important lesson of the week brave readers,

This last week I finally began to turn the tide on my rapidly accruing debt. I am still close to the redline but I am definitely decreasing my spending. I am becoming the master of the staycation, using my house as base camp. On the summer solstice I led an awesome trip through the gorge.

 We picked up a guy who we floated down to a rope swing under a bridge. He performed acrobatics on the rope that led us all to believe he was going to do something truly amazing for the dismount. Instead he just simply dropped. He nicknamed him ‘letdown’. We all had an incredible amount of fun and even Barbequed after. We somehow broke a paddle rolling up the raft but quickly re-purposed it.

Unloading the gear when we got back to home base I discovered my grandmother missing and blood. A lot of it. So much in fact that I believed my grandmother was most likely dead. I just kept staring at the puddle of blood and thinking I may never see her again. How could someone, especially a small frail octogenarian, lose that much blood and still be alive?

  The next eight hours were an emotional roller coaster for me and I thank all my friends who put up with me. I canceled the rafting trip that was supposed to happen the next day. What was supposed to be another day of awesomeness turned into a night of ups and downs filled with anxiety and thoughts of human mortality.

  Thoughts like how we all have a number on the days we live and none of us truly know what that number is, so live your life to the fullest and minimize the amount of shit you have to deal with. Sometimes though, no matter what you do, things do add up and the events of the past month began to weigh down on me and I had a breakdown, on a scale I haven’t had in years.

 I went through the seven stages of grief in a few short hours. I was able to get in contact with the emergency room she had been taken to. She was okay, she got stitches and they were sending her home. It looks like things will be going back to normal, at least for awhile, although it seems some major changes may be happening in the next few months. In the meantime there will definitely be some river therapy involved.

The day after the solstice I took a much needed rest day and saw Edge of Tomorrow. It was actually really good, I recommend checking it out. Other movies I recommend, both streaming on Netflix, are Odd Thomas and Rapture-palooza. You can thank me later.

Until next time my supportive readers remember when you feel life isn't being fair and not going your way,

This will be a really short post this week, a quick update really, but I promise to make up for it with lots of funny pictures. It's been just about a week since my debt really spiraled out of control, I reexamined my goals for the next few years and I got my truck back. I have been asking myself the tough questions lately, things like:

Easy answer: poor financial decisions. I'm changing that though, and in order to do so, I have had to push my other goals waaaayyyy back until I gain my financial freedom. A lofty goal to be sure, but I will reach it. Nothing and no one will stop me.

It's going to be tough but I know I am strong enough to do battle with the debt monster I created in order to eventually live the life I deserve. I realize it is going to take time, possibly years, to achieve this. It will not happen overnight, so I must truly learn the lesson of patience and fortitude. Every day I will have to be vigilant and guard against my own weaknesses.

I have sworn off multi-day trips until I meet my goal of slaying the debt beast, although I will still go on daily adventures like rafting, running, cycling and hiking.

Until next time avid readers have patience and if you're feeling overwhelmed, remember

                                                 In the Shadow of the Valley of Debt

After three and a half weeks I finally have my truck back. Of course there were more problems found with it than initially thought, pushing my grand total for repairs to over $6000 and plunging me back into a debt hole I had finally started to climb out of. Needless to say I will be BAF for awhile.

My credit card is pretty much maxed out and I have less than $200 in the bank. There is a lesson here I am finally taking seriously though, debt is a very tricky and real thing. Debt is not just a bunch of imaginary numbers in a database, it's an amount of money you owe to someone and until it's paid off, THEY OWN YOU. Debt is a dangerous and subtle form of slavery. I have gotten a wake up call I have needed for awhile. I have been in debt for so long and every time I start to put a dent in it I allow myself to slip further back into it because I think it will be easy to get back out. No more. As of this event I am no longer deluding myself. Some part of my brain finally kicked in making me realize how serious this is.

I usually take at least a few overnighters a year telling myself it’s okay because I need to let off some steam.
I realize now the only steam I need to let off is from the freight train of momentum I am going to run into the mountain of debt that looms before me.

I will have to sacrifice other goals I have had for awhile, mainly travel related, but thinking it over, being out of debt has been a goal of mine for much longer. The interest I pay every month really adds up. It takes me roughly six weeks of work to pay one years interest on my debt.

No one ever became rich and successful by paying interest. If I had really focused seriously years ago on terminating my debt instead of just pretending like I had it under control I would have had enough money by now to complete all my goals. Luckily I have good friends that understand what I am going through and that are standing by me with love and encouragement during this time in my life. I give special thanks to the Commander, who has consistently inspired me to get my financial act together and is a fount of motivation for me. Her advice is brutally honest and is exactly what needs to be said.

It's going to take awhile, but I will do it. It is intimidating to think of how long it will take but I won't let it's weight continue to crush me. I will handle it moment by moment, building upon the foundation I have already started. I will emerge stronger, a better man, worthy and deserving of the life I desire.

Until next time patient readers, let nothing stop you or turn you aside from your own goals!

June 2, 2007. Seven years ago today, I met you, one of the best friends I have ever had. You, my bicycle, my Novara Randonee. We have traveled over 30,000 miles together, over mountain passes, along the pacific coast through woods and valleys, even occasionally handling some bumpy roads but we have never left the other one stranded. You’ve seen me through some difficult times and gently pushed me forward when I thought I was at the end of my abilities, both mentally and physically. I have been with you for more time than I have owned any single motor vehicle and you’ve been more dependable than any of them.  When my relationships went bad, you were still there, waiting patiently for me, not judging me. You helped me get through heartache and pain. When I am down you cheer me up.

Sometimes when I am stumped with a problem all I have to do is hangout with you for awhile to work things out and come up with a solution.

The way you make me feel is amazing and I would be hard pressed to put it into words, although I believe this picture conveys my emotions.

You help me stay in shape, the ultimate workout buddy, and when we go places you never ask me for gas money.

Okay, I will admit there have been times when I have been frustrated during our longstanding friendship, even sick at times. Truly though the fault was mine, not yours. You have taught me so many lessons. Among them, patience, perseverance and how to overcome obstacles. When I gave up and threw in the towel, you understood and again waited patiently for me, knowing that thanks to our experiences I would see that I am really capable of so much more than even I thought I was. Where would I be without you? You have helped to make me a better man in too many other ways to count, and for that I thank you my friend.

Until next time my dear readers,