Last week I was having a conversation with a friend of mine named Joey. A little background: Joey is a guy who is filled with an energy seldom matched by others. He is genuinely excited about life and has insights that others may espouse but don’t really practice. Well, ladies and gentlemen, Joey is a true believer who practices what he preaches, which I believe is why he has attained what he has. He lives life on his own terms, not caring if others approve or about living up to someone else's imagined standards. In short: he's happy. We don’t always see eye to eye, but I still consider him a friend and as such I listen to what he says. Back to the conversation. The gist of it was that you shouldn't count on anyone but yourself. That really got me thinking. There have been times in the not too distant past when I have canceled plans and let others down. But what about me?  I have been letting myself down for years by backsliding and going further and further into debt instead of digging myself out. Ultimately all this thinking was what led me to the decision to get back on track and pay off my debt. This realization is long overdue and I sense if I don't take definitive action now and do what I feel is right the opportunity may not come again.

     Not only have I been able to maintain my focus, I leveled up! That’s right, I am now level 4! For those of you who haven’t been following along since the onset of my quest, every time I pay off $1000 in credit card debt I gain a level. The quest will be over and the beast will be slain once I reach level 16. I acknowledge I still have a way to go but I am a quarter of the way there! Now is when I must be stronger than ever. I cannot let my leveling up give me the illusion that I am ‘almost there’. There really is no ‘almost there’. I either am or I’m not. So until that final day when the debt monster is slain I shall keep on.

     This week's selfie is actually a somewhat serious one. I feel I have captured the essence of how I've felt this past week. Uncertain, frustrated, and continually contemplating.

Selfie #13

     Until next time constant readers be true to yourself, do what's best for you and remember

      Spring has sprung and I’ve been reflecting a lot the last few days on my current path, what led me to where I am, and where I am going. I have come to some realizations about why some things have gone the way they have, reasons whose origins I now believe lay within the recesses of my psyche. And the more I ponder my current state the more it occurs to me that the shadow of debt that has loomed over me for far too long is the cause of many of my woes, and of my own doing. Last year I had an inkling of a plan to deal with my debt servitude and I started out good. Unfortunately, not all that long ago, I started to slip. Or more accurately as my great friend the commander pointed out, I fell off the fucking cliff.  I began planning trips I really shouldn’t take just yet, and buying gear I couldn’t really afford to take the aforementioned excursions.  Some things happened this last week that really woke me up. I have now canceled all the trips for the present time until I get everything under control. I’ve accepted the fact I have a spending problem that has led me to accumulate the debt I have. I honestly feel like I’ve entered a pseudo twelve step program with the Commander as my sponsor. I still plan on having day to day adventures and taking rafting trips throughout the upcoming season, but I will also be scrutinizing just about every cent I spend. I have to finally accept financial responsibility to get out of the hole I have dug myself down into, even if it means doing some things I’d rather not… A spring cleaning of my conscious,  finding extra ways to earn money, Stay tuned for progress reports to see what happens next!

     One thing that happened last year that dealt me a devastating below was replacing the motor in my truck. A motor that now has to be replaced again after only 5,000 miles! Turns out the new one had a bad head gasket. And the manufacturer is trying to screw me a bit on the warranty. I may have to pay $300 out of pocket which, as you may imagine, is not helping me. I’ll hopefully have the truck back this week with a motor that will last longer than six months.

     This weeks Soul sucking selfie is courtesy of the loaner car the shop gave me while they work on my truck. It’s a Kia Soul. A small car with a huge glove box. Seriously, it’s so big it has a shelf in it! One friend suggested it’s built that way so you can put your balls in there while you are driving around.

Selfie #12

Until next time my radical readers when life throws those hard truths in your face keep your head up and remember to

     This month marked one year since I quit my infamous gig at the pizza parlor. I’ve got to say my life has improved quite a bit. I’m putting far less miles on my vehicle, I’m less stressed out, happier, and for the first time in at least a decade, I actually got money back on my taxes. I can’t believe how much my life has improved. That job caused me so much misery and grief, but can I really blame it for all my problems? No. You see, I was the one that chose to stay there. I could have left anytime I wanted but I didn’t. Much like an abused spouse who chooses to stay despite all evidence that they should leave. Reflecting back on all those years I realize that the only person responsible for me and my happiness  is, well, me. That applies to everyone. Don't like your job or your current situation? Are you unhappy? Then stop making excuses, stop blaming other people for your situation. YOU are the only one that can make the changes in your life that will give you the happiness you claim you want so badly. I'm not saying it will be easy, and it may take a lot of time, but the sooner you start the sooner you will get there.

     After a scant 235 miles I had to retire my Hoka Cliftons. I really liked these shoes. However, because of the way I run, I wore them out a bit quickly. I've switched back to Brooks, a brand I've had really good luck with. I went with the Adrenaline. I've only ran 5K in them thus far, but I'm liking them. Which leads me to... THIS WEEK'S SELFIE!!! I took this one just to show everyone what I can do to a pair of running shoes. Which you'll probably also want to get a pair of to run away after you see the latest installment of photos dedicated to my narcissism.

  

     Just a heads up, my next blog may be a day or two late because of how hectic life is getting for me. So, until next time, remember

     As a lot of people know, I am a bit of a nerd. I read comic books and graphic novels. I watch a lot of movies and television, mostly sci-fi, comedy, and crime dramas. That being said, I am now going to discuss a topic I am sure everyone has heard about, and by this point maybe even tired of hearing about. But it's an event that has effected me more than most people realize. The passing of Leonard Nimoy. Most everyone knows him as Mr. Spock from the original Star Trek. He was so much more than just that one role though. He was a photographer, a singer, and among many other things, a poet. He was also a woman's rights advocate. When he found out that co-star Nichelle Nichols earned less than the men on the cast he championed for her to be payed equally. I must confess also that I still tear up a little at Spock's death scene in Wrath of Kahn.

Mr. Nimoy, you are, and will continue to be, missed

     On a lighter topic, I've been nerding out on something else this week. A new show on Netflix called Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. It's a comedy from the mind of Tina Fey and stars Ellie Kemper. Miss Kemper plays the titular role, a girl who was kidnapped, and stuck in an underground bunker for fifteen years, by a deranged doomsday cult preacher. It centers around the aftermath of her rescue and subsequent adjustment to catching up with the rest of the world. It does feel like 30 Rock sometimes (another hilarious show), and the theme stuck has gotten stuck in my head. there are also quite a few surprise guest stars. Despite the fact that it debuted Friday I have watched all but the last episode. It goes just beyond the laughs on the surface though. It made me think about everything that's happened in the last decade and a half. How much things have changed. I hope this one stays around for at least a few more seasons!

     Time for the drollness of another Selfie! This one was taken while I stared at the sky, contemplating the vastness of the cosmos and my insignificance in the grand scheme of things. Okay, not really. But the picture still came out better than I thought it would.

Selfie #10

     Until next time my dear readers, I leave you with a quote to remember from Mr. Nimoy

     With everything going on in my life I have being so confused, really struggling to figure things out. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, an ad comes on. It’s an ad for Lincolns, with Matthew McConaughey. As I’m watching it, he's waxing philosophically, and the solution hits me. Every time I’m faced with a choice I just have to ask myself, ’what would Matthew  McConaughey do?’. Seriously, look at this guy. He’s good looking, has that air of confidence, he’s successful. I mean, this guy really has it together.

WWMMD?

      I recently ran almost 10K as part of REI’s trail run series. This run is in my top 5 most physically demanding runs I’ve done. I started out good, even though it was cold and the promise of rain loomed. Just after the start I saw a dog peeing, running, and squatting at the same time, clearly more talented than me. A friend and I were running together picking up the pace, going from good to great. Then we hit Training Hill. All running stopped. Seriously, NO ONE ran this hill. It was brutal, a mile of uphill with roughly 1000 feet of elevation gain, it turned our legs to jelly, making the mile after the summit a slow one as well. We finished fairly strong though and ended up having a great time. On the drive home I thought about how life can be like this run. There's ups and downs. Sometimes there are obstacles that seem insurmountable when you first face them, but if you just keep going forward and pushing on you make it past them. It may take some time to recover afterwards. When you do though you realize it's those challenges that make you stronger and you begin to appreciate the good times that much more.

     I'm slowly letting go of the fact I no longer have to take care of an octogenarian. I can actually take more care of me now. I am still figuring out what that entails. Responsibilities are shifting, I'm realizing I can focus on myself right now and that's okay. Sometimes you need to only think about yourself.

Again, WWMMD?

     This week’s processed and saturated selfie was taken after a run along the trails of Lake Natoma. Who doesn’t want to look at an overly brightly clad and sweaty Captain after a run?

Selfie #9

     Until next time my valued readers, if you are feeling frustrated, remember